


I'm Almost Me

by DefaltManifesto



Series: Please Hit Restart [1]
Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Face-Fucking, M/M, Mention of Daddy Kink, Nightmares, PTSD, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-30
Updated: 2013-12-01
Packaged: 2018-01-03 02:06:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1064437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DefaltManifesto/pseuds/DefaltManifesto
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Newt's floundering, Otachi won't shut up, and Hannibal offers a possible respite to all the strain. If he could just be useful, if he could just shut his brain up, Newt might just survive.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kaijumittons (Charexl)](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=kaijumittons+%28Charexl%29).



> Title taken from the song Almost Human by Voltaire. A gift fic for a friend that ran away from me because Newt is apparently my new muse and wants to take up all my time. There will be a second chapter posted sometime within the week. I hope you all enjoy!

[The tumblr](http://schizzar.tumblr.com)

 

Newt gave the lab one more quick glance. Over the last three months, he and Hermann had stripped the whole thing to the bare bones, and just after it had started to feel like home too. He shifted his bag onto his shoulder and then turned his back on the lab to head back to his room.

Herc had managed to scrape together enough money to keep the Shatterdome running for two more days, and Newt had no idea where he was going to go afterwards. Logically, he knew what to do. Tour the world, give lectures, make tons of money. Be a rock star. Except for some fucked up reason, he didn't want to do that anymore.

He dropped his laptop bag by the door and flopped face first onto the bed. How the hell was he supposed to be a rock star when grief was like a rock on his chest and when he could still feel Otachi ghost-drifting at the back of his mind? At least he knew enough liquor could drown out the loss, but it was never enough to stop Otachi's hissing and clicking.

For a few hours, Newt attempted to sleep. It didn't go well. Almost every time he finally fell asleep, the feeling of being choked, underdeveloped lungs gasping for air, umbilical cord tight around his neck would flood his brain. And if it wasn't that, it would be something else; a sword slicing him in half, the feel of his tongue being ripped out. Such an endless source of nightmares.

Groaning, Newt rolled off his bed and pulled off his sweat-soaked shirt before shrugging into another. He grabbed his leather jacket off the floor before heading out into the hall. For a moment, he considered stopping by Hermann's room. The other scientist insisted over and over again after they drifted that if Newt needed help with the after effects, he would do so, but Newt couldn't stomach the idea of being a burden. Hermann had a life to move on to. He didn't need Newt's dead weight.

Newt let his feet lead him to the Bone Slums, and eventually found himself tucked into the seediest bar in the area. People ignored him, which was nice. In the aftermath of so much destruction, the lost and the lonely were almost always left alone. Even crooks and criminals pitied them too much to do anything.

He was half way through his sixth drink when a hand clamped down on his shoulder and hauled him off the seat. Newt rolled with the motion and then found himself face to face with one Hannibal Chau.

"You look like shit, kid," Hannibal said.

"And your shiny teeth are still stupid now can you please leave me alone so I can properly destroy my liver?"

Hannibal's brow furrowed and Newt was pretty sure he'd be dead if the gangster's shades weren't blocking his glare.

"You two," Hannibal said, snapping his fingers at two people to the left of Newt. "Pick him up, follow me.

"What are you doing?" Newt asked.

Hannibal grabbed Newt's chin hard, peering over the rim of his glasses and into Newt's eyes. "You're too damn useful to waste."

Newt passed out before he could protest.

 

-.-

 

When Newt woke up it was to a raging headache that made the huge fluffy bed with its red and gold canopy feel like a mocking luxury. He sat up and glanced around, locating a glass of water and three pain pills on the mahogany nightstand to his left. He swallowed them down and then put his glasses back on.

He pushed himself out of bed, ignoring the stiffness in his back and limbs. The room he was in was huge with ornate designs carved into the ceiling. The way the dragon was carved, long and twisting with a dangling, forked tongue reminded him of Otachi, and after a moment of staring up at it, Newt shuddered and looked away.

Before Newt could continue to explore, the door opened and Hannibal strode through. His suit was a light grey this time, pinstripe, with a red shirt that matched the canopy. The attention to detail was a bit disturbing.

"So why am I here?" Newt demanded. He supposed under any other circumstance he'd be worried, but his self-preservation seemed to have left with the alcohol he'd ingested.

"Because you're useful and suicide by alcohol poisoning is a messy way to go out," Hannibal said, stepping towards him.

"No one said anything about suicide," Newt said. His voice sounded dead to his own ears. Surely he didn't sound like to everyone else.

"I've seen a lot of people board the self destructive train with a one way ticket and I'd rather you not follow the rest of those idiots to the end," Hannibal said.

"And what? You're here to give me a ticket for the train ride back?" Newt glared up at Hannibal, pondering for a moment how odd the man looked without something between his eyes and the rest of the world.

"For a price," Hannibal said.

A bitter laugh choked its way out of Newt's throat. "Of course. So what is it? My body, my skills, my brain?"

"You saying you're gonna take it?" Hannibal asked.

_God it's like he can see into my soul with eyes that blue. So fucking blue, Otachi would be jealous. Sure she'd shut the hell up if I ripped them out-_

"Get your God-damned fingers away from my face!"

Newt squeaked at the bruising grip Hannibal had around his wrist. "Sorry, sorry, could you maybe put your sunglasses back on?"

"Why? Have you lost your fucking mind kid?"

"Uh, yes? Obviously. I'm not drinking myself to death because I want to  _Jesus_!" Newt jerked himself out of Hannibal's grip, rubbing at his sore wrist. When he looked back, Hannibal's eyes were covered again. "Sure you still want to make me useful?"

Hannibal put his hands on his waist, shaking his head. "Yeah actually. It's a waste to let you make a fucking mess of yourself."

Newt looked back up at the ceiling. "Okay. I'm listening. And not trying to rip your eyes out. Look at all this self-restraint!"

"I've got a lot of specimens I need classified. Bits that no one else could find a use for. I'm hoping you'll be able to. You'll have more information on the Kaiju than anyone else what with their brains crammed up in there with yours," Hannibal said.

"You know about that?" Newt asked, feeling breathless.

"Well why else would you try and pluck my eyes out? Everyone knows ghost-drifting can happen even if your partner is dead," Hannibal said. "And there's always the possibility that the Kaiju actually survived."

"No, no, no, no, no, don't  _say_  that!" Newt clutched at his head as Otachi's triumphant cry echoed within him. "I know that's a possibility and it freaks me out and Jesus I just-"

He crumpled to the ground, curling up on himself. His vision blurred, breath choked as he shook. The fear in his chest, the fear that Otachi would return and claw her way into him and warm herself with his blood, was painfully real and how the hell was he supposed to live like a normal person when he knew that?

"You're more of a mess than I thought."

Hannibal's voice sounded distant, but the broad hand that settled in between his shoulder blades was very real. Newt sucked in a deep breath, trying to match it with the steady rhythm Hannibal tapped out against his spine.

Slowly, he let himself uncurl, swiping at his tears. By the time his breathing had settled completely and his thoughts were more coherent, Hannibal had moved to stand in front of him. They both remained silent as Newt slowly pushed himself up onto shaking legs. Newt couldn't read Hannibal's expression, which was probably a good thing because he was pretty sure he couldn't handle the pitying look he'd get.

"This happen often?" Hannibal asked.

Newt stared down at the floor. "Yes."

"I don't care. You're still the best man for the job. Do you want it?"

"Yes but..." Newt shifted uncomfortably, still unable to look back up at Hannibal. "But how do I repay you?"

Hannibal walked back to the door and opened it. "Do a damn good job."

The door slammed shut and Newt wondered if Otachi would ever stop asking him to  _rip out those pretty fucking eyes._

 

-.-

 

"Are you completely insane? Newton, I cannot allow you to do this in good conscience."

"Well good thing you're not actually my mother no matter how hard you try."

Hermann didn't move from Newt's doorway, his knuckles almost white from how hard he gripped his cane. "Come back with me and Vanessa. We can get you help if you want it."

"So that's what you think," Newt said. "Well that clears that up. Out of my way Hermann."

"There's nothing wrong with needing help Newton. There's something wrong with you."

It felt like the breath had been punched out of him. "You've  _drifted_ with me! You've drifted with me and you can still just say that like it's no big deal."

"Newton, I'm saying it  _because_  I've drifted with you. This man will take advantage of you and your insecurities and you know it."

"What else is there for me to do Hermann? I'm not going to get help because there is no therapist trained to deal with someone who's got Kaiju screaming in his head all day. Just let me go and make myself useful and stay busy. Everyone's better off that way."

Newt shoved passed him and ignored the words shouted down the hall. Hannibal had sent a cab for him so once he was outside he was able to make a quick getaway. He stared out the window as the cab jerked and lunged its way through the Bone Slums and tried to ignore the tight feeling Hermann's words left in his chest.

When he arrived at the entrance to Hannibal's main shop, he scurried out as quickly as possible. He wanted to get in and settled before he could think too hard about what Hermann had said. Inside the shop, the Chinese woman with the shaved head, Kaelyn, was waiting for him. She took his laptop bag and led him through the secret entrance behind the shelves. She took him to the elevator and down several floors.

"Your living suite and lab are both on this floor," she said, walking down the short hall. "To the left is the lab, the right is your suite. Here are your keys. Hannibal will send for you in three hours for dinner."

Kaelyn set his bag on the ground before she turned on her heel and left. Newt picked up the bag and unlocked the door to his suite. It was surprisingly plain with white carpet and blue walls. The living area had two couches that matched the color of the walls set around a flat screen TV, with a small kitchenette on the other side. He had every intention of unpacking everything, but the feeling in his chest crested and broke before he could.

As tears began to squeeze out of his eyes, he dropped the bags and flopped face first onto the couch. He felt like a wuss but he didn't bother beating himself up over that. After all, Otachi hummed enough disappointment in the back of his mind for them both. The fact that  _that_  was beginning to be a normal train of thought was a bit terrifying.

Once he finished crying himself out, he let his exhaustion carry him into sleep. His dreams were full of baby Otachi's memories of choking to death but he couldn't pull himself out of it. There was something calming about dying over and over again, but only when he didn't struggle. After so many months of the same dreams, he'd learned the best way to deal with them.

Of course that didn't mean he could stop himself from screaming like a bitch when he was shaken awake. For a moment, all he saw was blue, like the inside of Otachi's stomach, and then he was being hauled up onto his feet. Hannibal's hands were like vices on his shoulders and he sucked in a deep breath, his fists curling in Hannibal's red suit jacket.

"Jesus kid, snap out of it. They could hear you screaming upstairs," Hannibal growled.

Newt shuddered and crumpled against Hannibal, his legs shaking too hard to keep him upright. "Sorry, I'm sorry."

Hannibal shoved him back onto the couch and Newt ducked his head down between his knees. When Hannibal took a seat beside him, he had a handful of tissues and a glass of water, which Newt accepted gratefully. He mopped up his tears and the blood from his nose before pushing up his glasses and glancing back at Hannibal.

"Sorry for being such a mess."

Hannibal didn't look at him, only grabbing and squeezing the back of his neck. "Go get yourself cleaned up. I'll have food brought down."

Newt obeyed without protest, though he stopped just before reaching the hallway. "C-Could you uh...pass me a shirt from my bag?"  
He expected Hannibal to scoff at him, but the man just reached into his gym bag and tossed a white t-shirt at him. Newt slunk back to the bathroom, unbuttoning his shirt as he went. The bathroom had more blue tile, but there was a huge soaking tub so Newt supposed it was the small victories that mattered.

Once he'd cleaned up as best he could, he returned to the living room. Hannibal was sitting at the dining table, two platters of fish and rice spread out with a plate for each of them. Under Hannibal's watchful eye, Newt put a few spoonfuls of rice and a small fish on his plate.

"You're skinny," Hannibal said as he removed his shades. "Take another fish."

"I-"

Hannibal leveled him with a hard stare. "I said take. Another. Fish."

Newt did so and then took a seat. "So...when do you want me to start working?"

"Four, maybe five months."

Newt paused in pushing around the food on his plate. "What?"

"Once you're done looking like a leaf about to be blown away, I'll trust you in there," Hannibal said. "Until then, you'll stay here and recuperate."

"You can't be serious. I can't stay here if I'm not actually  _working_. It's not fair."

"To who?"

"To you!"

"Let me be the judge of that," Hannibal said. "You're a long term investment. You'll make up for it later."

"Please don't do this. Just let me make myself useful. I can't cope if I'm not-" Newt cut himself off.

"Just so eager to please aren't you?" Hannibal asked, voice low and rough. "You don't need to do anything for me. I know you'll be useful."

"And I'm telling you that's a sure fucking way to drive me insane. I need to do  _something_  or she's going to get in and won't let me go," Newt said. "Just something. Anything."

Hannibal blinked once, slow. "I'll think about it."

They continued the rest of the meal in mostly silence, the only sound being whenever Hannibal ordered him to eat more food. Newt's stomach didn't agree, but he did it anyways, hoping he could win a bit of Hannibal's favor doing so.

"Well, it seems to me that drifting with a Kaiju has really messed you up. I want you to tell me exactly what's going on," Hannibal said.

"What, you wanna  _fix_  me? Jesus, you're just like Hermann," Newt said, getting to his feet and starting to pace.

"Just be grateful people  _want_  to help and take the damn offer you spastic little freak," Hannibal snapped. "At least I'm going to be honest with you in my offer."

Hannibal got to his feet and halted Newt's frantic pacing by stepping in front of him. Newt tried not to flinch at the ice cold look in Hannibal's eyes, and he ignored Otachi's screeching so he could actually listen to what the mobster had to say.

"I only want to make it possible for you to function and do the job I want you to do," Hannibal said. "So. Tell me what's happening so we can both move passed it and you can stop looking like you're ten seconds away from death."

Newt swallowed thickly and then stared down t his feet. "You don't want to hear it. It's embarrassing and you'll think I'm weak and you've already humiliated me enough so I'd really prefer if you just let me do what I know works."

Hannibal's hands settled on his shoulders, heavy and immovable. "Kid, the last thing I'd think is that you're weak. You drifted with a Kaiju and saved the world. That's more than I can boast."

Newt stared at the floor and the golden tips of Hannibal's shoes. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes tight.

"Otachi...she never stops talking. Sometimes I can't understand her, but either way it...it's hard. And all I ever dream about is their memories and I just spend my time dying over and over again and I mean it messes with a person after awhile."

The words poured out in a rush and after they were out, Newt folded into Hannibal's chest, shaking hard. Surprisingly, Hannibal wrapped his arms around Newt. It made the vulnerability he'd just exposed hurt a little bit less.

"That's a bit of a problem, isn't it?" Hannibal said after a moment.

"So how are you going to fix me?"

Hannibal pushed him away. "That's up to you. I've got sleeping pills. Hopefully those can keep the dreams at bay. Getting some meat on your bones will help you get your energy back too."

"And what about the other problem? The part where if I'm  _not_  busy I feel like she's going to break through?" Newt asked.

"That also depends on you," Hannibal said. He reached out and brushed a thumb over Newt's lower lip. "There's lots of ways to get you out of your head, make you useful."

Newt shuddered, eyes sliding close. Hannibal was certainly attractive, and dominating, and  _huge_. Really all the hallmark of his ideal kind of man. If Hermann were there, Newt was sure he'd be screaming about how obviously Hannibal was taking advantage of him, but Newt was having trouble really caring because just the simple touch, the dominating edge to it all, had Otachi quiet at the back of his mind.

Hannibal slid his thumb into Newt's mouth and Newt sucked at it, pressing in closer. Hannibal let him suck for a little while longer before pushing him gently back towards the couch. Newt hung back as Hannibal sat down, legs splayed wide as he made himself comfortable.

"Kneel," Hannibal ordered. "I want you to take my cock out and get me off. I don't want you to think about anything else but making me feel good. That clear?"

Newt nodded as he fell to his knees. Otachi's noise settled to a low hum at the back of his mind as he unbuckled Hannibal's belt and unzipped and unbuttoned his pants. It just figured the man would go commando and Newt tried to keep himself focused and not let his nerves make him run his mouth as he tugged out the man's limp cock. It was huge, even soft, and pierced at the head.

"Thinking too much aren't you kid? Just take Daddy's cock in your mouth and stop thinking," Hannibal murmured.

There were a host of snide remarks Newt wanted to make in response but he leaned forward and shut himself up by sucking the head into his mouth. He'd never been with someone with a pierced cock, so he explored as he wished, tonguing at the piercing and gauging Hannibal's reaction. When he didn't get one, he looked up at Hannibal. The man stared back down at him, hands braced easily on his thighs with an unimpressed look.

Newt turned his full attention back tot he man's cock. He hooked his tongue through the piercing and gave a gentle tug, giving himself a mental high five when Hannibal gave a soft grunt at the action. As he grew harder in Newt's mouth, Newt had to wrap a firm hand around the base of his cock to keep it steady. He bobbed his head down a bit farther, stretching his jaw wide as he did so. Every time he pulled back up, he made sure to play with the piercing and circle the head with his tongue.

On every pass, Newt took more and more of the thick length into his mouth, and every time he managed another inch or so, Hannibal gave him a soft noise of approval. Newt was capable of deep-throating, or at least he was when it came to average sized men. Every time the pierced tip made contact with the back of his throat, he couldn't help but gag because there was still another two or three inches to go.

"Scared?" Hannibal asked.

Newt pulled off with a wet pop and glared up at him. "I don't know if you know this, but you're really huge. I'm good but this is a bit daunting."

Hannibal slid a hand to grip the back of Newt's head. "Then don't think and let me do it. All you gotta do is let me in little guy."

Newt closed his eyes and let Hannibal push him down, breathing in through his nose deep as Hannibal slid deeper. He concentrated on the way Hannibal's hand felt, like a steady weight, firm and real, not like the voices in his head which grew quieter and quieter with every passing second. Hannibal's hand went still and Newt let his eyes flutter back open, feeling the piercing in his throat.

Hannibal forced him back off and then back down again, slow and methodical, and he counted the seconds it took to go down and back up. When his eyes flicked back up to Hannibal's face, he could tell the man knew he was counting from the knowing look in his eyes.

"I'm going to push you down and I'm going to hold you there for fifteen seconds. You will tap them out against my knee," Hannibal said.

He didn't wait for Newt to agree, just pushing him down until his cock was buried in the wet heat of Newt's throat. His eyes watered as he tapped out each second, focus narrowing in on the way Hannibal's cock filled every bit of his mouth, demanding his full and undivided attention. The moment he tapped out the fifteenth second, Hannibal pulled him off.

Newt dragged in a lungful of air and looked up to meet Hannibal's eyes when the man nudged his chin.

"I'm going to use that mouth of yours now until I come. You're going to count every second and report it to me when you're done. If you get it right, I'll let you come. Now open your mouth."

Newt didn't hesitate to do as ordered. It was a sound strategy as far as distractions went. Otachi was silent, his mind filled only with every second he counted and the feel of Hannibal's hands holding tight to his head. This was simple, easy. Be used, do as instructed, and float. The seconds wracked up and Newt struggled to keep count but eventually Hannibal came. He had to swallow several times and then Hannibal hauled him off and pushed him back.

"Count?"

"That was a fantastic blow job, how are you still coherent?"

"Count?" Hannibal gripped his chin hard.

"1,203 seconds," Newt said.

Hannibal smiled, the expression softer than what Newt would've expected. "Good job."

"You were keeping track?"

"There's a clock on the wall behind you," Hannibal said as he tucked himself away. "Now, up."

Newt scrambled up onto Hannibal's lap, straddling the man's thighs. "Can I..."

Hannibal palmed Newt through his slacks. "Can you what?"  
"Kiss you? I mean I know some people think it's gross after I had my mouth all over their junk but I..." Newt buried his face in Hannibal's neck.

"How 'bout this kid? When you come, I want you to kiss me," Hannibal said, undoing Newt's pants and sliding a hand inside. "Just once."

Newt gave a soft moan and nodded. Hannibal jacked him slowly, but even so, Newt could feel himself rushing headlong towards orgasm. Sucking Hannibal off had pushed his arousal to the back of his mind, but now, as Hannibal toyed with the slit of his cock, it was just overwhelming.

He bit at Hannibal's neck, fists clenching tight as his hips jerked into the man's warm grasp. A small part of him was aware of Hannibal's low voice in his ear, but he was too incoherent to pay attention to what was being said. He mouthed at Hannibal's ear and then whined as he came, the pleasure cresting without warning. At the last moment, he managed a sloppy kiss against Hannibal's lips.

In all honesty, he didn't actually expect Hannibal to respond, but he was pleasantly surprised when the man's tongue slid into his mouth and dominated the kiss. Newt gasped, choking on a moan as Hannibal continued to toy with his over sensitized cock. It was only when a few tears leaked from his eyes that Hannibal let him go. He wiped away Newt's tears and then tucked him back into his slacks.

Newt wrapped his arms tight around Hannibal's neck and buried his face into the man's chest. His glasses smushed a bit into his face, but he didn't care, only wanting the solid warmth of the man who's successfully shut his brain up. For some reason though, he couldn't stop crying.

Tears streamed down his face, fast and hot, but he barely noticed them through the dull haze. Hannibal's broad hands smoothed up and down his back, unbothered by the complete mess Newt was making of them both.

"I've n-never cried like this," Newt said after his breathing was somewhat under control.

"Then you've been needing it. Everyone cries."

A nervous, slightly hysterical laugh escaped Newt and he pushed himself up so he could look at Hannibal through smudged glasses. "Maybe everyone but you. That's not possible."

"This is the one time I'll admit this so listen up. I'm just as human as anyone else. Except for you maybe. Who knows what that Kaiju's done to your damn brain?"

Newt flinched and looked away.

"God dammit, kid. I didn't mean it in a bad way. Your fucked up brain is why I need you in the lab," Hannibal said.

"Then we should probably not do this anymore because my brain isn't feeling messed up anymore so I'm not really useful," Newt said, climbing off Hannibal's lap.

"You're pretty damn good at misreading everything I say aren't you?" Hannibal asked. "Your brain is full of Kaiju information. That's not useful if you feel the way you have been. If we shut up that Kaiju even for a little while, nothing bad will come of it."

"Why do you care? Really? And don't just say it's only because I'm useful because all of your tech people and scientists are useful and I'm pretty sure you don't do this for them."

Hannibal walked towards the door and opened it. "You're right. I don't do this for them. I'll see you tomorrow."

Newt stared at the closed door. His brain was blessedly silent from Otachi's chatter. Unfortunately, now he had a whole other mess of confusing thoughts and feelings.

_At least these ones are entirely human._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit ooc for Hannibal but I like ending on happy notes so I hope it's not too upsetting for you guys. I hope you all enjoy the last chapter!

Over the next month, Hannibal made a point of stopping by for dinner. Newt supposed his appetite was improving, if only because of how the man was able to force-feed him with a single look and word. Some nights, Hannibal would leave right after. Others, Newt's pain and high-strung nerves were so apparent that Hannibal would walk him over to the couch and fuck his face 'til he was drooling and gasping and Otachi was silent.

And then there were nights like tonight when Hannibal went to leave and Newt begged him not to go. It was silent begging, a hand at the back of Hannibal's jacket just before he opened the door to leave. Now he was stretched across Hannibal's lap with three fingers in his ass, biting into a pillow as they relentlessly strummed over his prostate.

Hannibal's orders were always the same when they did this; no noise, no coming. Not until Hannibal gave him permission. But Otachi wasn't shutting up, growling and hissing,  _demanding_  that he bite down on Hannibal's thigh until his mouth filled with blood, and then rip out the man's throat.

Gasping, Newt released the pillow and claws at Hannibal's arm. "S-Stop!"

Hannibal's fingers slid out of him and Newt whimpered pathetically, part of his body still yearning to be full despite the panic. Newt scrambled away from him, tugging his sweatpants back up and fleeing down the hall to his room. He curled up on his bed and shoved a pillow over his head as he screamed into the comforter, screamed for Otachi to get out and shut up.

A hand touched his shoulder and Newt flinched away, throwing the pillow at Hannibal before curling on his side away from him. Hannibal forced him to turn back over and Newt squeezed his eyes shut, the blue of his bedroom walls making Otachi growl louder.

"Open your eyes," Hannibal ordered.

"You need to leave."

"Why?"  
"Because she wants me to hurt you!"  
Newt's voice broke around the scream and he pushed futiley at Hannibal when the man forced him to sit up.

"Stop. Fighting. You can't hurt me you little twerp," Hannibal said. "Now open your eyes. We need to talk."

Newt clung to him and buried his face in Hannibal's neck. "You want me to talk about my feelings?"

"Start talking before I ditch you. I want to help you for both our sakes. Also, having my bed partners run out on me makes me wants to know what I did wrong so we can escape a repeat performance," Hannibal said.

"I..." Newt pulled away and kept his head down to stare at his lap. "Otachi wanted me to hurt you. And then  _I_  wanted to and god how sick  _am_  I?"

"You're all sorts of buckets of crazy aren't you?" Hannibal asked. His tone was affectionate though.

"Yeah, I guess," Newt said. "You sure I'm still worth it?"

Hannibal reclined back against the headboard. "You're growing on me, what can I say?"

"So what do you suggest? I'm pretty useless if I'm repulsed by you touching me." Newt winced even though Hannibal couldn't see him. "It's not you specifically just...Otachi wants me to rip your face off every time you do."

"What would make it possible for me to touch you? Do you even want me to?"

"Yes. God yes. Just the blue on the walls makes it worse. And I don't want to risk hurting you," Newt said. "Even if you don't think I can, I don't want to be able to feel like I can."

"So if I restrain and blindfold you, would that help?"

After a moment, Newt nodded. "Yeah. Yeah I can do that."

Hannibal stood up and moved around to stand in front of Newt, loosening his tie. Newt looked up at him, stomach clenching at the soft, almost  _tender_  look in the man's eyes. Hannibal nudged his chin up and then kissed him, the scrape of his beard making Newt sigh against his lips. Then the broad part of Hannibal's tie was placed over his eyes and tied tight around the back of his head.

Almost immediately, Otachi's volume lowered and Newt felt his muscles relax. Hannibal tugged off Newt's shirt and then sweatpants before slapping his thigh to urge him further up onto the bed.

"I'm using your ties to bind you. Where are they?" Hannibal asked.

"Top center drawer."

Newt focused his hearing in on the sound of Hannibal moving around the room to distract himself from Otachi. Before long, Hannibal was wrapping his ties around Newt's wrists and then to the headboard.

"There. Can't hurt me now, can you? What are you okay with me doing?" Hannibal asked.

"What you were doing before was...good..." Newt hated the way his voice trembled and turned his face into his shoulder.

Hannibal grabbed his chin and pressed a hard kiss to his lips. "You let me know the moment Otachi gets too loud. I'm giving you permission to come when you want."

Newt nodded eagerly and then Hannibal's hands left him entirely. For a tense moment, everything in his head was silent, and then Hannibal was climbing onto the bed and parting Newt's thighs. Otachi wailed, her voice echoing in his head. Newt locked his jaw and bit his lip, gasping as two of Hannibal's thick fingers slid inside him.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, yes! More, Jesus Hannibal make her shut up!"  
Newt arched up, forcing the fingers deeper. He could feel Hannibal bracing above him when the man placed a hand beside Newt's head. The fingers inside his already stretched hole stretched him even wider before the third slid in as well.

A hiccupping sob escaped him when Otachi's roar rose to a fever pitch and then Hannibal pressed his lips to Newt's ear, scruff rubbing at his sensitive skin.

"Feel that inside you?" Hannibal hissed, twisting and hooking his fingers roughly inside Newt's shuddering frame. "That's  _me_. That bitch in your head needs to shut the hell up because this hole is  _mine_. Your body is  _mine_ , and so is that insane fucking brain of yours you got that?  _Mine!_ "

The fingers jabbed hard up into his prostate, forcing a broken and desperate sob from Newt's throat.

"Tell me Newt. Who owns you?" Hannibal rasped into his ear.

"You do!" Tears wet Hannibal's tie, but all Newt wanted was more,  _needed_  more. "Please, Hannibal I need..."

"What do you need boy? You already got me in your tight ass."

Newt clawed at the headboard. "More, please! So close, so...J-Jesus!"

"Can you still hear her? She still telling you to rip my eyes out?" Hannibal demanded.

Newt nodded, whimpering.

Hannibal stroked over his prostate again, refusing to let up. "Tell her why you can't."

"Because I'm yours!"

"Hell yeah you are and you're going to come for me right. Fucking. Now!"

Every word was punctuated with a hard thrust of Hannibal's fingers and Newt spilled over the edge with a scream. He jerked hard in his bonds as Hannibal pumped his fingers into him until Newt's legs were spasming and he was whimpering for the man to stop.

The fingers slid out slowly and Newt trembled. When Hannibal untied him, he gave a soft moan, which dissolved into a whimper as Hannibal forced him to lower his arms. Next was the blindfold. For the first time since he arrived, the blue walls didn't drive him insane. Otachi was silent too, but Newt was so exhausted it was impossible to be happy.

"You okay?" Hannibal asked, voice gruff.

"Yeah I think," Newt said, still shaking.

"I want you to run a hot bath and soak," Hannibal said as he got to his feet.

Newt looked up at him, suddenly finding it hard to breath. "You're leaving. Right. You always leave."

Hannibal leaned over, miss-matched ice blue eyes staring into his. "Not this time. I meant what I said. If I'm staying the night though, I'm going to be comfortable. Now. Soak."

Newt rose up onto his trembling legs, a tiny sliver of contentment blooming in his chest when Hannibal gave him a brief kiss. He headed into the luxurious bathroom and twisted the hot water knob. When it was half full, he climbed in and let himself sink in before turning off the knob with his foot.

He closed his eyes and let his head fall back. He genuinely couldn't remember the last time his mind had been so silent, and it was almost unnerving. Lonely even. There was a sharp ache within him to have Hannibal back, kissing and touching every inch of him.

"God I'm turning into a sap," Newt muttered.  _It's not like the guy loves you. Just a mutually beneficial relationship. Don't be such a fucking romantic._

The bathroom door opened and Newt opened his eyes. Hannibal was dressed in red flannel pants but had left his shirt off. It was the first time Newt had seen him so casual and he took advantage of it, eyes roaming over Hannibal's chest. He was well muscled and had a light dusting of white hair that Newt had the sudden urge to run his hands through.

Hannibal sat down on the floor beside the tub before dipping a hand into the hot water and then running it through Newt's hair. A soft moan escaped Newt's throat and he nuzzled into the hand. Hannibal squeezed the back of his neck.

"You okay?"

Newt nodded. "Yeah. Still. Rattled I guess."

"I'm with you for the rest of the night. Whatever you need, I'm going to give you. You did a good job."

"Not used to you being so nice. It's kinda freaking me out honestly," Newt admitted. "But I like it."

"I'm certainly not going to leave you alone like this," Hannibal said. "I may pride myself on my cruelty but after what we just did, you need to be taken care of."

Newt shifted in the water so he could rest his head on Hannibal's shoulder. Hannibal continued to rub and squeeze his neck and Newt let his eyes slide shut, relaxing entirely.

"I don't want this to stop," Newt whispered. "I don't know what I'm going to do without it. Without you."

"You'll have your lab. And I don't do romance, kid."

"I know. Being alone has always been the game plan." Newt bit his bottom lip to stop his thoughts from pouring out.  _But you said I was yours. You told her I was yours, you can't just leave me._ "Guess I've got Otachi no matter what."

"She still talking?"

"No, you shut her up. I guess she backs off when someone else stakes their claim," Newt said with a short laugh.

Hannibal pushed his head off and got to his feet. "I'll get you something to wear, so get out and dry off."

Newt pulled the plug out of the tub and then stepped out, shivering as he did so. He grabbed one of the fluffy towels from the towel rack and wrapped it around his shoulders to try and stop the trembling. He dried himself off with another, but by the time Hannibal returned with a loose t-shirt and sweatpants, his teeth were almost chattering.

Hannibal removed the towels and dressed him quickly, rubbing warm hands over Newt's exposed arms. Newt pressed close, arms twining up around Hannibal's neck before he nipped at the larger man's throat, sucking at it as Hannibal walked him backwards. When they got back into the bedroom, the covers were already drawn back so they were able to tumble right in.

Newt rested his head on Hannibal's wide chest, a huffing sigh leaving him as Hannibal ran a hand up and down his spine. He let his eyes slide close and without another word, he drifted to sleep.

 

-.-

 

When Newt woke up the next morning, Hannibal was gone from the bedroom, but he could hear the man out into the kitchen. For a long while, Newt lay in the bed, sheets twisted around his legs as he thought over what had happened the night before.

He'd enjoyed it, enjoyed the hell out of it actually, and seeing Hannibal's softer side had set him at ease, though not entirely. After all, the man had said it himself, no romance. Newt was used to one night stands, fuck buddies, all that, but what he and Hannibal had done, what they'd been doing for the past month, was different.

At least it felt that way.

Newt pulled himself out of bed and padded out into the kitchen area. Hannibal was sitting at the table in one of his red suits reading a newspaper, shades in place over his eyes. A feeling of total abandonment washed over Newt seeing Hannibal sitting there with all his layers back in place, and he steeled himself against the hurt.

"I think you should leave. Actually I think we should never do that again," Newt said, wrapping his arms around his chest.

Hannibal set the paper down and got to his feet. "And why is that kid?"

"Because..." Newt clenched his jaw and then tried again. "Because you don't do romance and this will end in disaster because I'm an idiot and if we do something like that again I'll get too attached. There. I said it. Not saying it again. Now when can I start actually working?"

Hannibal stared at him for a long moment but Newt refused to look away. "Well. You've actually got a bit of meat on your bones now. You don't look like you're about to keel over and die. Tomorrow is fine."

Newt watched Hannibal walk out, trying not to pay attention to the way it felt like there was a gaping hole in his stomach. He hated how easily Hannibal could walk away from him, what they'd done, but he wasn't exactly surprised. Of course that didn't make it hurt any less.

Otachi was still silent and remained that way as Newt went about his morning routine. When he returned to the living room, eyes taking in the blue walls, he felt Otachi stir and grumble. It wasn't a lot in comparison to what he usually dealt with but it was enough to startle him into action.

_These walls need paint. Anything but this._

 

-.-

 

Apparently when Newt said he wanted to be done, Hannibal assumed he meant everything but dinner. Newt was half way through painting the living room walls when there was a heavy knock on the door, but before he could move, it opened and Hannibal walked in.

"Whoa hey! You can't just walk in like that! I could've been doing something private. Like masturbating! Or hiding a dead body!"

"Or repainting my walls," Hannibal said, slamming the door shut. "Would it kill you to ask permission? And who the hell would paint walls orange anyways?"

Newt nudged his glasses up with the back of his hand. "The kind of guy who has a monster in his head that hates the color orange. What are you doing here anyways?"

"I'm here to make sure you keep eating. Our food will be here in ten minutes."

Hannibal moved passed him across the plastic sheets Newt had laid down to sit at the dinner table. Stubbornly, Newt ignored him and went back to rolling bright orange paint on the walls. He lost his patience after about five minutes though and dropped the roller back in the paint tray.

"You don't get to run my life now. I'll do my job, and make you a profit. You don't get to babysit me anymore," Newt said. "I mean I'm not  _actually_  yours, right?"

He grinned when he saw Hannibal's shoulders tense. For once he'd managed to get under the other man's skin. His grin died when Hannibal pulled off his shades and got to his feet, striding over to him.

"You think I didn't mean what I said, don't you?" Hannibal asked. He wrapped his hand tight around Newt's tie and tugged him forward. "You think I didn't mean it and you're afraid you'll catch some feelings, aren't you?"

Newt glowered up at him. "Are we just stating the obvious or is this actually going somewhere?"  
"I'm saying that you  _are_  mine. I want this to keep going because frankly, I enjoy owning you. You start loving me, you  _tell_  me and we deal with it then. Why you'd love me probably speaks more to how fucked up you are but I don't give a shit," Hannibal said. "That acceptable to you?"  
Newt swallowed thickly and then shook his head. "No. I can't. I can't risk being with someone who's going to end up hurting me. I'm not  _that_  self-destructive."

"Huh." Hannibal released him. "Smart, but not observant. I said if your emotions start cropping up, we'll deal with it. You've already made me stretch outside my comfort zone. Maybe we'll surprise each other."

A wheezing, nervous laugh escaped Newt. "Okay so you want me to bet  _my_  mental health on the off chance that you,  _you_ , of all people might actually want to have a legitimate relationship with me?"

Hannibal tilted his head to the side. "Well you put it that way and it sounds pretty bad. But isn't your entire life one gigantic gamble?"

Before Newt could answer, there was another knock on the door. Hannibal stepped around him to go answer it. Newt stood still and watched Hannibal get two trays of food and set them down at the table and take his usual seat.

"Sit and eat. You're still a bit too skinny for my tastes," Hannibal said. "You can think it over while we eat."

Newt hesitantly took a seat and piled food onto his plate until he got Hannibal's usual nod of approval. "What if I still haven't decided by then?"

"Then you keep thinking."

"I was really expecting a threat there," Newt said.

"I don't threaten people when it comes to gaining their consent," Hannibal said. "I'm not a complete monster."

Newt ducked his head down and began to eat, deciding it was best to actually think instead of just running his mouth. He wasn't sure if it was all worth the risk. The sex was mind-blowing, got him hot in ways no one else had managed to do, and of course there was the added bonus of quieting his mind down.

But Newt wasn't an idiot. He knew it was basically impossible for him to get involved so heavily, turn all his trust over to Hannibal again and again and not develop some sort of feelings. Hannibal was aware of that, and Newt supposed the man felt the same way to some degree about him if he was willing to admit there was a chance of something more happening.

The man really did have a point though. When  _hadn't_ Newt gambled with his life? It was basically all he'd ever done, although he'd been pretty sure the world was going to end anyways so he couldn't be blamed for that. This was the first time he'd actually be betting on something more than his life. These were his actual emotions and he's always been shit at dealing with them to begin with.

"Okay, sure. Let's freaking do this. On one condition," Newt said. "Okay actually, a few but this one's important."

Hannibal set his fork down on his empty plate and raised an eyebrow. "Alright."

"I want to be able to kiss you when I want no matter what the other rules are," Newt said. "They calm me down and I'm clingy."

Hannibal snorted. "Yeah, I've noticed. That's fine."

"Okay cool. So...now what?" Newt asked.

"Now, I'm going to take you to your room and fuck you until I'm finished and I last quite a long time. Is Otachi still making noise?"

"Nah, she's been pretty much non-existent since last night. You uh...staked your claim pretty hard after all," Newt said, a flush spreading up his neck.

Hannibal's grin was all gold and feral. "I'll do a better job this time."

"Fuck." Newt squirmed in his seat.

"Thinking about my cock filling up that hole as full as I filled your throat?" Hannibal asked, rising to his feet.

"Now I am," Newt said.

Hannibal picked up their dishes and carried them over to the dishwasher. "I'm going to clean up your mess. I want you to sit there and stroke your dick until I'm done."

Newt unzipped his pants and pulled out his still soft dick. After spitting into his hand, Newt began to stroke, toying with the head as he watched Hannibal clean up the paint supplies. Every once in awhile, Hannibal would pause and just watch him with a lazy and sleazy grin on his face.

When he finished cleaning, Hannibal pushed Newt's chair back to sit on the table in front of him. Newt bit his lip as their eyes met. The uncertainty left though when he saw warmth in Hannibal's eyes.

Hannibal brought up his gold-toe shoe clad foot to press up against the underside of Newt's cock. "Stop stroking. Let me look."

Newt let go and then looped his arms behind the chair, earning himself an approving nod from Hannibal. It was nerve-wracking having the sharp edges of the gold plates on Hannibal's shoes pressed up to the sensitive skin of his cock, but also really fucking hot.

"This belongs to me," Hannibal said, pressing a finger to the tip of Newt's dick. "Like everything else of yours, right?"

"Yeah so why don't you prove it?" Newt asked with a cheeky grin.

Hannibal wiped off a bit of the pre-come and then shoved his finger in Newt's mouth. Newt sucked it eagerly and nipped at the tip of his finger when Hannibal slid it back out.

"Alright, come on then."

Hannibal stood and grabbed Newt by his tie, tugging him along down the hall to Newt's bedroom. In all their time messing around, Hannibal had never flat out fucked him, insisting on driving Otachi away in a variety of other creative ways, but now Newt wanted nothing more than to be completely claimed. Also, he'd never been with a man with a pierced dick before and he was eager to know what it felt like.

Newt shed his clothes once they were in the bedroom and moved to lay out on the bed so he could watch Hannibal to take off his clothes. The man seemed to have figured out how much eye contact made Newt squirm so as Hannibal stripped out of his suit, he stared right at Newt. Once he was bare, heavy cock already hard in his hand, Hannibal began to stroke himself, each move smooth and methodical until Newt was squirming on the bedspread.

"You ready?" Hannibal asked.

"Yes, fuck yes," Newt said, spreading his legs.

Hannibal knelt between his legs on the mattress, spreading them even wider until Newt felt his legs trembling. He leaned over Newt to snag the bottle of lube off the nightstand, slicking up his fingers and then tossing the bottle down beside Newt's head. When the first two fingers slid in easy, Hannibal didn't hesitate to add the third, stretching his fingers wide and making Newt pant and groan.

"Beg for it," Hannibal said.

Newt shoved himself onto his elbows, pressing his forehead against Hannibal's and biting at the man's lower lip. "I want your dick. I want your fat, pierced dick in my ass stretching me wider than I've ever been. I want you to fuck me 'til I scream your name and I don't want to be able to think..."

Hannibal's lips slammed into his and he forced Newt flat with the force of the kiss, tongue sliding in and dominating his mouth. His tongue fucked Newt the same way his fingers fucked his hole, not giving him a chance to breath or put himself back together.

When a fourth finger began to sneak in alongside the other three, Newt gave a keening moan that was muffled by Hannibal's kiss. The burn of his facial hair against Newt's chin was a sharp contrast to the smooth motion of wet fingers pumping inside him, and Newt struggled to figure out which feeling he liked more; the rough abrasive rub, or the slick fullness.

Hannibal pulled back. "Condom or no condom?"

"No condom. Just want you," Newt said, wrapping his arms around Hannibal's neck.

"God you're so damn trusting," Hannibal murmured. He leaned back and slid his fingers out of Newt's ass. "Grab the lube."

Newt grabbed the lube and popped the cap open. "Can I slick you up?"  
"Yeah, get to it."

Newt sat up, a whimper escaping him at the way his ass was already beginning to ache deliciously from taking four of Hannibal's thick fingers. He slicked up his hand and then stroked over Hannibal's cock before leaning down to lick at the piercing, tugging at it until Hannibal slapped the skin between his tattooed shoulders to urge him back.

"You'll get to lick my dick later you little cock sucker. Get on all fours for me," Hannibal said.

After one more little lick, Newt turned and arched his back, breath hissing out between his teeth as Hannibal parted the cheeks of his ass. The tip of his cock, piercing and all, rubbed against his entrance and then without a word of warning, Hannibal began to slide in. Newt grabbed a pillow, burying his face in it to muffle his own moan only to have Hannibal twist a hand in his hair and yank him back up.

"No you don't. I'm gonna be riding this ass of yours for a good long time," Hannibal said, leaning down to bite at Newt's ear. "And I wanna hear every moan and begging note you give me."

"F-Fuck!"  _What have I gotten myself into?_

Hannibal slid in deeper, impossibly deep, and Newt clawed at the comforter as the man bottomed out inside him. For a few long moments, Hannibal dropped his hands to Newt's hips, rubbing soothing circles into Newt's skin with his thumbs. The first few thrusts were shallow as Newt adjusted, the burn of the stretch settling into a dull and pleasurable ache.

Before long though, Newt wiggled his ass back against Hannibal's dick, silently begging for more. He felt Hannibal's smile at the back of his neck, and then the man dragged his cock out until only the tip was stretching him wide, sliding back in with one swift motion that pressed hard up against his prostate. Despite what he said earlier, Hannibal shoved Newt back down and began to thrust harder, each one more forceful than the last.

Filthy moans began to fall out of Newt's mouth, fists curling in the comforter as Hannibal rode him. After a while, Hannibal found the perfect angle to drag his piercing over Newt's prostate at every pass, and once it began to happen, Newt gave up holding back, crying out Hannibal's name and begging for more.

"No one's ever taken my cock so damn good," Hannibal hissed out against Newt's ear. "No one's begged for it so prettily. And I'm not even close to done with you yet. You just lie there and take it like the good little boy you are."

"J-Jesus you can't just s-say that!"

Hannibal's chuckle was dark and low and made Newt's blood run hotter. "What, you don't wanna be my good little boy?"

Newt was sure if he wasn't already flushed from Hannibal's pounding and punishing rhythm, he'd be blushing even brighter. "No...wanna be good..."

"Of course you do," Hannibal said. He thrust in hard and circled his hips, the piercing on his dick rubbing hard against Newt's little nub. "Tell me and then I'll turn you over."

Newt bit into the pillow, eyes squeezing shut tight before he took a deep and shuddering breath. "Wanna be your good little boy..."

Hannibal pulled out completely and Newt whimpered at the loss before he was flipped over and with one leg thrown up over Hannibal's broad shoulders, the other left to wrap around his waist. Hannibal was gentler the next time he slid in, one hand bracing itself on Newt's chest. Newt arched up into it, sighing as Hannibal's fingers traced over some of the tattoos and then stopped to press against his nipple.

Newt's nipples had never been that sensitive, but Hannibal seemed to be enjoying himself so Newt didn't protest. After a few languid thrusts, Hannibal leaned down to press their lips together and Newt let out a gasping moan as his legs stretched wider. Unable to take the burn, Newt's leg fell to the crook of Hannibal's elbow instead, but Hannibal was smiling into the kiss, still pleased with his performance.

It was different now, face to face. There was a new vulnerability on Hannibal's face this way, more open than Newt had ever seen it before. Newt's eyes slid shut and he threw himself whole-heartedly into the kiss, whimpering when Hannibal's hand wrapped around his cock and began to stroke in time with his thrusts.

Newt clawed at Hannibal's back, writhing beneath him. He sucked hard at Hannibal's lower lip and then fell back against the pillow, sucking in huge, gulping breaths.

"I can't keep doing this," Newt whispered. "Gonna come, I'm sorry, please can I-"

"Yes. Come for me Newt..."

Newt's eyes went wide and his back arched as his pleasure climaxed and he spilled over Hannibal's hand and across his tattoos. It was the first time Hannibal had said his name when they were like this and it drove Newt completely insane. He went limp beneath Hannibal, too fucked out to really do anything else but be something warm for Hannibal to use.

Hannibal's hands fell to his hips, grasping them hard as he thrust into him, harsher than before. Newt moaned, a low and contented pleasure burning low in his gut as Hannibal filled him again and again, and Newt found it impossible to feel anything but claimed and even loved. Hannibal buried his face in Newt's neck, sucking mark after mark into Newt's neck until he came, thrusting hard inside him and going still.

"God you feel so fucking good," Newt whispered, reveling in the feel of Hannibal's cock jerking inside him.

"Not as good as you do," Hannibal said with a light chuckle.

He pushed himself up so he wasn't squishing Newt beneath his bulk and pressed their lips into an open mouthed kiss. Newt accepted it all gratefully, though he groaned from a mixture of pain and loss of fullness when Hannibal pulled out of him.

"So how are you?" Hannibal asked, staring down at him.

"Good. Better than I've been in awhile. God you're a good fuck," Newt said, grinning.

"Of course I am. Now..." Hannibal rolled off of him and headed for the bathroom.

Newt rolled onto his stomach and appreciated Hannibal's backside as he walked. "Now what?"

Hannibal turned towards him, another lazy grin on his face. "Now we put that soaking tub to use and clean ourselves up. Then we'll sleep and tomorrow I'll help you finishing painting this place that appalling shade of orange."

Newt's chest warmed at the affection in Hannibal's voice. "Sounds good to me."


End file.
